Almost twenty-two years into my life and I am restless, sixteen years of school and I am fidgety, two weeks into Janterm and I am ready. My perspective on Church, mission work, community, incarnational, and the Kingdom have all changed this past year. As I stand on the threshold between my single life as a student and a married life as a youth ministry oriented church planter I am ready to leap.
However sometimes I still feel stuck; I feel stuck in the obligations of school, work, and my relationships. None of these elements are discouraging, in fact all three of them empower and encourage me to pursue a future in ministry, but sometimes I feel the expectations of all three hold me back, hinder me from incarnating the full nature of Christ. Sometimes it feels like a juggling problem, maybe I haven’t yet figured out how to live missionally in all three fields; maybe that’s the real problem.
As we sit in class during our snowy, slushy, Spokane mornings we talk excitedly about embedding into communities, learning the language of a community, and caring for our neighbors. However, I am getting frustrated, scratch that I AM frustrated, with all the talk and reading, I’m ready to DO IT!!!
I still feel like I have to wait until after graduation to live incarnationally. At school I am surrounded with Christians, at work I am surrounded with Christians, at home I am surrounded by Christians. And the only down time I usually have to interact with non-Christian is usually spent reading about interacting with non-Christians, eating, cleaning, or sleeping.
I need some perspective, maybe that’s why I am so excited about class tomorrow. I am ready to have an opportunity to forget about my final paper, forget about my reading assignments, forget about my messy room and interact with other people in a genuine way.
I’m sorry if this post seems like a massive rant, but every word of it is the honest truth. But, when I think about it, it’s probably good that I feel this way during my senior year of college. God has granted me with a heart for missions, I feel blessed that He is filling this desire more and more. My passion is at the brim, it’s about to spill over. I’m ready to be sent out.
God Bless, Ashley S
Ashley, are all your apartment neighbors Chrsitian? I’ve been trying to get in touch with some of my neighbors whom I’ve made connections with, and that’s how I’m trying to live this stuff out. Also, I’m trying to spend more time with my youth guys on their turf rather than in youth group where I’m the “leader.” Have you been able to try anything like that?
I pretty much agree with this entire post. I feel the yearning to start doing but feel like I can’t yet as I have responsibilities that take up pretty much all my time right now. I really enjoyed that you had a positive attitude toward your obligations even while recognizing that they do kinda keep you “stuck”. That is much more positive than my usual take on my responsibilities. But I think it is a good reminder to me to not take what I currently have for granted. So thank you.
I am glad you are ready…there will, however always be the reality of the real life we have to navigate…work, fam, locale, etc. Those things are the real. Stay open and don’t surrender.