Why is it so difficult to admit my brokenness…my neediness? 

I suppose it is because all of who I am is built around competency and sufficiency.  I have been reared to be both of those things, but upon entering the Kingdom I must put each down.  I am beckoned to a distinctively unusual way. I know that, but to say that I have reached the end of my competencies and am not completely sufficient is like getting something stuck in my throat…like communion bread without enough wine. 

I presume the trouble comes from the fact that, in some way, it is a part of dying.  This idea really is found easily within the pages of the Gospels.  Take up your cross… Deny… Daily…  The reality is, everything in us resists dying.  One of the miracles of our bodies is that it resists both external and internal elements in a unrelenting quest for survival. Yet, in the Kingdom life, we are called to submit to the dying.  Stop resisting…it is the only pathway to life.  It is the grand reversal ethic of the Kingdom.

Such a difficult and confounding journey for those of us who have prepared most of, if not all of our lives to be competent and sufficient.

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